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Back By Popular Demand...Sex!
I received SO MANY emails from my "One Thing About Sex" post, and I LIKE getting LOTS of emails, so I thought I'd make another shameless try for everyone's attention!
Let me say this - I should have laid down better ground work for that posting. Having not done that, let me make a couple of points to give that post some context.
1) I believe that unhealthy, shame-based teachings on sex has caused damage both to believers and non-believers in our society. Remember, it wasn't so long ago that we covered the legs of the piano so as not to be immodest. The effect of this has been that many believers have strange hang-ups about sex, basing their value and the value of others on morality in this area. The second effect of these shame-based teachings (I believe) have been an opposite "rebellious" reaction by society so that now you can't even watch commercials without watching "soft porn".
2) Some of you may question my "finger-pointing" at the church when it comes to our crazy sex-driven society. The short of it is this - we are suppose to be salt and light - obviously, we're doing something wrong.
3) The "bottom line" of this shame based teaching rests on a statement that goes something like this, "The Bible says that sex outside of marriage is a sin." Well...no it doesn't, not that I know of anyway (feel free to write in and give me the verse if you find it). People who say this will quote the pauline passages concerning "sexual immorality". I believe this is a problem for this reason. Prior to the reformation, the "masses" did not often have access to Scriptures. The reasoning went something like this - the Bible is very important and in order to understand it, a person should have some basic education. Whatever you think of this, using "sexual immorality" to translate "sex outside of marriage" misses a GREAT BIG POINT that Paul was making...which is an example of misunderstanding the Bible due to lack of education. All I'm saying is this - and this should be somebody's slogan - "Please quote the Bible responsibly!"
It is these three points that I am raging against, so to speak, in my post, "One Thing About Sex".
Let me briefly sketch my thoughts on the subject in a less "raging" fashion.
1) People are vastly complex and (should be) growing all their lives.
2) People long to be known. It is the way we "become".
3) Sex is a form of deep knowing and vulnerability.
4) If you know someone deeply and then walk away from them, you make a very hurtful statement about their value - whether you intend to or not.
5) We should be VERY responsible with the deep things of people we love.
6) Therefore, sex outside of marriage is a big gamble - and I personally wouldn't put any money down.
7) Most people who are over a certain age (say 25), live in this sex-crazed society and have not have sex are, more often than not, relationally disfunctional more so than morally responsible.
8) God loves us and is amazingly merciful and a wonderful healer and lover. On this, I bank my whole existence.
So, I love all of you! Blessings on your day! And THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for entering - and continuing - this conversation with me!
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/30/2004 02:52:40 PM
Thoughts...
This wonderful, aching poetry was written by my amazingly talented little sister. For more thoughtful postings, please visit her site...you can find her link at the bottom of my page listed as "The Little Sis".
***************************************************
The entire world is spinning spinning round me in a dizzy grey cloud and I am
sitting sitting
perfectly
going nowhere.
I twiddle my fork and look across at her. She smiles but not really. I don't smile at all.
The waitress asks is everything okay
just great we say
she is in her forties and picking up my dirty dishes
smiling but not really.
I prop my chin in my hand and watch fat-legged children crawl over their mommies' laps, simpering and kicking, wanting to run,
the withered couple saying nothing to my left
across the table, she pokes at her plate, busy with her not-caring
I with my not-living
they with their not-knowing
we with our not-showing
she's sad,
and I know because I've been sad
she's not taking care of herself
and I know because I don't take care of myself
she's almost-hopeless
and I know because I'm almost-hopeless
I know, too, why we're here in this cheap place full of cheap artificial pleasure
she's sad because the door of opporunity slammed in her face
I'm irritable, anxious, curt, sarcastic, antsy, paranoid, self-deprecating, irrational and unpredictable because my door of opportunity is wide open before me
but the wind is blowing hard.
And so this is what it comes down to, friends, this little table where we face each other and look with tired eyes toward a unforgiving and uncertain exsistence.
Oh Lord, there's got to be a place out there for me,
a place in Boston for me, a chair at the table for me, a place in his arms for me. Whine whine.
But the world doesn't seek my approval about its spinning, it just goes and goes and I throw time out the window, always looking for tommorow when I'll be smiling, and really.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/28/2004 10:43:30 AM
One Thing About Sex...
I want to clarify something from the previous post entitled "This Night" as well as add a new thought or two...
Of all the sins in the world, sex outside of a marriage tends to be one of the most frowned upon. While I freely admit I don't know what I'm talking about, I'll just say this. WHY? When people get tangled up in this, it is usually because of love - or something they honestly think is love - or something they're trying to make love.
But, for example, when people gossip, the root of that sin is hatred or envy or malice. Or when people lie, the root is perhaps cowardice or manipulation or laziness. I could go on here, but I think you should begin to see the point. SOMETIMES people who "sin" might be truly loving...
Which leads me to my next thought. Where EXACTLY does it say a person should not have sex until they're married? (I'm only asking the question - I'm not proposing an action!) I mean, I know there were rules that allowed new husbands to get rid of their wives if they were not virgins in the Old Testament. I know that Paul discourages "sexual immorality" in the New Testament.
But, what if the point of the OT rules was the bloodlines. I mean, two whole books of the Bible, plus plenty of other chapters are devoted to "so-and-so begot so-and-so begot so-and-so..." I'm not saying I'm an Old Testament scholar, but apparently it was a big deal "who yo' daddy wuz".
And just about everyone knows that when Paul started in on the sexual immorality thing, he was discussing Greco-Roman practices concerning temple prostitution. The point being this. Paul never said specifically "sex before marriage". The term was just "sexual immorality". It's only convenient for us to decide that he meant "sex before marriage."
Maybe he did. I don't know. But I do know this. We have got some serious hang-ups with sex. And, there are a lot of people out there carrying guilt and shame because we're too scaredy-cat to talk about the issue.
Here's what I think. God loves you, dang it, and I don't think he's so doggone hung up on sex like we are! Your sins and mine and all the mean people in the world who gossip are taken care of right up there on the cross. I choose to trust God when he says we're forgiven - I believe that he MEANT IT!!!
I believe.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/28/2004 08:25:14 AM
This One's For The Boy...
For the person you've made me wish I could be...someday I will.
For the night you walked away from the music...to watch the lightning.
For the time you taught me to bat...like a boy (it's never worked for me!).
For your silly, wild abandon that intimidated me,
And the way you get intimidated too...
For the snowball that hit me in the head,
And the look that hit me in the heart...
For your tears...and mine.
For the Saturday you looked away...and then looked back.
For your hands, your lips, your stubble, and your eyebrows...
Your eyelashes...
And your eyes.
And the day I saw you go to your knees in true worship...
For the hope that you give me for all boys...and all girls.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/26/2004 08:49:36 AM
Now I Am...Technologically Advanced!!
Not intending to be overly proud here...but I made links!!!!! Look, look! At the bottom of the page! There are links!
Ok, so I didn't figure it out. I tried for 5 minutes and got so frustrated that I just left. But Mr. Persistent spent an hour and a half learning "html language", and then fixed it all for me (check out his blog at The Human Puzzle ) So, here's a BIG THANK YOU!!! to MR. PERSISTENT - he's a computer puzzle solver as well!!!
In other news...the sky is blue and the sun is out and the dew is on the grass...and my heart flutters.
Thank you God for fluttering hearts.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/26/2004 08:19:27 AM
Someday I'll Be...Technologically Advanced!
So, someday I'll make some links from this site to my dear friends' sites, but until then...
I'll just steal their stuff right off their blog and paste it on mine!!
So here's one from ginnygin.blogspot.com
RETHINKING REGRET
Let's thank our mistakes, let's bless them
for their humanity, their terribly weak chins.
We should offer them our gratitude and admiration
for giving us our clefts and scarring us with
embarrassment, the hot flash of confession.
Thank you, transgressions! for making us so right
in our imperfections. Less flawed, we might have
turned away, feeling too fit, our desires looking
for better directions. Without them, we might have
passed the place where one of us stood, watching
someone else walk away, and followed them,
while our perfect mistake walked straight towards us,
walked right into our cluttered, ordered lives
that could have been closed but were not,
that could have been asleep, but instead
stayed up, all night, forgetting the pill,
the good book, the necessary eight hours,
and lay there -- in the middle of the bed --
keeping the heart awake-open and stunned,
stunning. How unhappy perfection must be
over there on the shelf without a crack, without
this critical break -- this falling -- this sudden, thrilling draft.
Elaine Sexton
Sleuth
New Issues
Copyright (c) 2003 by Elaine Sexton
All rights reserved.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/23/2004 12:16:46 PM
How Dead Is A Door Nail?
How dead is dead? Apparently, the Ancient Hebrews (I know one or two of those guys!) believed that when you died, you died good and dead. All of you – dead. It was the Greeks who believed in the “eternal soul”.
I would bet that most Western Christians accept the idea of an eternal soul. You know, your body dies but your soul goes on living - either in hell or in heaven. And, who’s to say the Greeks weren’t right?
But if you really die – all of you – that's a bit unnerving. It’s kind of comforting to think that there is something about you that is innately eternal.
“I AM ETERNAL…ETERnal…Ternal…nal…”
I will go on living, even if it is in Hell.
However…
If you’re dead-dead, real-dead, good-n-dead, dead-as-a-doornail-dead, then…
How much do you really trust God? Do you REALLY believe that she’s smart enough not to forget you? Do you REALLY believe that he won’t get too busy and just not get around to it? Do you really, REALLY trust God?
I find myself shaking just a little bit…
Help mine unbelief.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/22/2004 11:18:36 AM
What up?!
Bloggity, blog, blog, blog!!
Boo-ya, bye bye!!
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/21/2004 01:19:23 PM
Flee The Devil And He Will Resist...
I was thinking the other day about the way we deal with sin. Most folks say when you have a sin problem, you should run away - like Joseph and Potipher's wife. They make it sound like the solution to sin is to avoid it. The only problem occurs when the sin is inside.
So how does that make you better?
Let's take a hypothetical situation. Two believers have, or potentially have, great temptation in the sexual area (yeah, that's hypothetical cause it NEVER happens in real life!). So, in order to avoid sin, they avoid deep, true relationships.
Does that sound weird to anyone else? In order not to sin, these two people are doing the exact opposite of what Jesus prayed we'd do as he headed toward the cross. His prayer was that we'd be one. All of us. The night of his betrayal, one of the most pressing things on his mind was that those who followed him would be ONE, not that those who followed him would never have sex...or any sexual sin. In fact, he didn't even talk about sex that night.
You would never know this by the way most believers act. If we wrote the Bible today, we'd have Jesus telling the Apostles to make sure their daughters dress modestly and their sons never look at pornography. He'd tell them that belly buttons and sticky shirts were of the devil and that anyone who had sex outside of marriage should be considered slightly less valuable than those who have not and then he'd conclude by telling us that no single person should ever, EVER have any physical contact with someone of the opposite sex.
Whatever...It seems to me that Jesus might be more inclined to suggest you bring your sin to the light in community and deal with it, so that you don't have live in fear of it until you die.
Besides, you'll probably have to deal with sometime anyway - somehow you have to become the kind of person who could inhabit heaven...a person who can bend the grass there.
Resist the devil and he will flee; flee the devil and he will resist...and resist...and resist...for the rest of your life.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/15/2004 01:32:44 PM
This Night...
Many months ago, I began pondering the difference (if there was one) between truth and reality. I listened to the way people talked about both and found that almost always the two are used interchangeably. For example, in a courtroom we are asked if we will "swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?" So the question then becomes, is it true that someone was murdered last night? Or, is that instead an accurate statement concerning reality?
For those who have read the Bible, you will know of course the Jesus once stated that he was "the truth". That's a tough one for a society that thinks truth is as an abstract principle - a thing and not a being. Likewise, John (the apostle) said that "God is love". But how many of us understand love as a Being instead of a feeling. And, what do we mean then when we say we love someone? Or, getting back to the original point, how do you "tell the truth" if truth is a being?
Are we missing something?
I don't think that it has ever been True that someone was murdered or that someone was rejected or that someone was unloved. It might have been Reality, but it certainly wasn't True.
There is, of course, much more to say philosophically about this, but I'm compelled to bring this into the practical for the moment. When we interact with each other, we can either interact with our Real Selves or our True Selves. It is considerably safer in the short run to interact with the Real Self. That which is Real is broken and fallen and if I know, for example, that in Reality you are manipulative, then I can navigate the river of our relationship with care and avoid your traps.
Or...
Or we could interact with our True Selves. A word of caution must be said here. To interact with True Selves involves the ability to see what is not visible and hear what is not said. Now, here's an accurate statement if ever there was - we don't even understand each other when we speak plainly face to face. To understand things that are not said and are not seen is potentially even more difficult (though there are some who do this better than others). So to that point, we must realize that even when we try to see the True Self in each other, we who see still have blurry vision. To sum up, proceed with Grace and a delicate sense of self-skepticism. And now...
Safe is overrated.
I am reminded of C.S. Lewis and the land of Narnia. In "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", the children ask Mr. and Mrs. Beaver if the fabled Aslan is "safe". The slightly astonished beavers are taken aback by such a question, "No, no! Far from it! You must never think that he safe, for he is not a tame lion."
There is nothing safe about interacting with someone's True Self and being hurt by the same person's Real Self. But then, no one ever promised we'd be safe.
Tonight as I write, I step outside of time and move backwards. In the dark night of a land where stars are not outshone by street lights, there is a celebration, a festival at hand. This is the night when YHWH struck down the first born of the land of Egypt. The night the prisoners were released...
"There was no time for the bread to rise, bake it without yeast! Eat with your shoes on and your staff in your hand! The time of your release has come! You who were slaves, your freedom is at hand!"
And the children ask...
"Why is this night different from all others?"
Mary, do you know? Sons of Thunder, can you hear? Peter the Rock, are you shaking?
"Why is this night different from all others?"
With the death of his first born son, Pharoah summoned Moses and said, "Up, get out of here! You and your people, go and worship your God!"
"Why is this night different from all the others?"
You shall know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.
"Why is this night different from all others?"
Reality hurts. But Truth endures.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/12/2004 10:52:09 AM
Edit My Post???
I had no idea that I could edit my post!!!!!! Holy Moly!!!!! I'm so excited because I usually have 5 minutes to write and edit my stuff and then I post it... It never comes out like I wanted. BUT NOW...I can Edit My Post!!
Now, if I could only figure out a way to "Edit My Post-erior"!!!
Tee hee!!
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/06/2004 01:48:23 PM
Courage, Man, Courage!
From the days of John until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it.
That is one of my favorite things Jesus ever said.
The Kingdom is not for the faint of heart. Is it really all that surprising that only those who are brave live? Those who cower in the corners of life trying to stay safe are not. They are in the throws of death while all the while deluding themselves.
That is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/01/2004 10:08:10 AM
Things That Go Hiss In The Night
I had a scary dream last night. I took a cursed thing. It was like the Golam/Smeagel character in Lord of the Rings - which stems from a conversation I had with Pat last night. I took the "ring" because it called to me, pulled me, but it brought with it scary evil things. And so there I was - at 2:45 in the morning wide awake, heart pounding with a lump in my throat.
I turned on the light in my room. Summoning up my courage, I ventured across the hall to my bathroom and turned on the light.
Praying...praying...
I'm going to turn on the light in the dining room...
My bare feet on the cold hard wood...
Feeling the wall in the dark...smooth...smooth...smooth...and then I feel it, "Thank you God, the light switch..."
"Click - POP!!...hissssss..."
Light flashes in my eyes and retreats only in time to render me blind in the dark room, on the cold floor, my hand on the light switch...
posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/01/2004 09:40:09 AM
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