A Name On A White Stone

Sometimes there are no words to describe an experience or a feeling. I often wonder if that is because not many people have had the experience or if they don't feel like talking about it.

Like...there are feelings too are heavy for "sadness" and too substantive for "depressed". There are experiences that can only be understood by the look in someone's eyes. And there is a me more true than "Lois" and a you more true than that.

I'm the fool that hopes. I hope that I can bend the grass of heaven and drink the water from that stream. I want to be more real than I am today. And I hope your footprints are there as well.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/28/2004 10:16:01 PM

Pete and Repete...

My bloggin' has been slackin' so I must apologize.
My poetry's been rushed and my thoughts supersized...

HAHAHA!

Ok, well my poetry has been rushed and I need to do some clean up so I thought I'd start again...

Here's a flashback, a repeat of my first blog entry...

Welcome to my ruminations. As a safety precaution, I referred to a dictionary to procure the correct spelling of the word "rumination". (incidentally, do not assume that all words will be as carefully checked for I am a tremendously terrible speller and this would take vastly more time than I am prepared to devote to gods of grammar...and let me just go one step further and say that people who cannot spell are some of the smartest people on the Earth, but we'll get to that later...) Rumination, anyway, has two definitions as follow:

ru'mi-nate' (-nat') n. 1. to chew a cud 2. to meditate

It is the first definition we are concerned with here. Yes, this is a page dedicated to chewed up, half digested, regurgitate grass. Yum.

Why call yourself a headless anything, you ask? As a young girl, I learned that I was deficient - obviously. I lacked the "extra appendage", and for this reason I needed a man to be my "head". Now, I have no idea why lacking a...well, you know...could be solved by giving me someone else's head. It seems as though someone would have offered a...well, you know...

Anyway, I am now 29 years old and quite happy for I have discovered that God is not a chauvinist. More on this later, but for those who are interested, I would still be labeled a Christian by Southern Baptist. They would simply believe that I am misdirected and "headless". Yep, I'm running wild and foaming at the mouth. It might be the cud...

And that one's for you, Pete!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/21/2004 05:30:33 PM

Til' Kingdom Come...

At times there is much to say, and not much time.
Sometimes though, there is much time and not much to say.

Today there is much to feel, little to say, and a whole lot of time to do it in.

Joy was given.

Last night I heard my story retold. I heard THE story retold. She was sad and I remembered. I remembered the tears and the mornings after the crying that could not be seen through my swollen eyelids.

What can I say but that there is power, a river, a current, a pulse. There is a pulse in this life and it is good - REALLY, REALLY GOOD.

I saw new baby ivy leaves on my ivy plant today and when I looked closer I could see tiny, tiny little buds. Some were beginning to take shape, others were nothing but little blips. It is a deep truth that pulses there...inside each tiny little knot on the vine...there is a blueprint, a truth, a story that is really, really good.

K- It is really, really good. For you and all who were there and all who will come here -

May the rooms of your house be full of glory.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/21/2004 04:47:26 PM

Funny Story Stolen From Friend!

This is a funny story I stole from a friend - I did not ask her if I could do this, so perhaps she will sue me for royalties or the like. Suing me for royalties would get her about this much money...$0. However, gentle thief that I am, I will give her credit, so...

FOR THIS STORY AND WHOLE LOT MORE, VISIT www.ginnygin.blogspot.com

Now for our story...

Postal Sex
In case I haven't mentioned it yet I do not enjoy going to the post office. For any reason whatsoever. I like stamps. I like the people at the counter. They're ever so nice at the one I go to -- efficient enough, but they recently closed one post office so now everyone from everywhere has to go there and I hate waiting in line and it smells funny in there too.

So anyway.

I drove to the post office today in my usual postage frame of mind. Parked, got out of the car, and stood in line until called upon. The woman waiting on me had spiky short burgundy hair and a hungarian accent. Sweet lady, I think I remember her from last year when I went in there too. (I told you I hate the post office) I needed stamps for my wedding invitations so I asked if they had any cool ones, like for wedding invitations. "OH!" She said, "You're getting MARRIED!?" And pulled out three different stamp designs and began chatting up a storm with me. So we did the transaction and then she leaned forward and whispered "I know the perfect book for you."
I leaned forward and whispered "What book is that?"
And she said "you must read Feeding Your Husband by Dr. Slessinger. I got it for my daughter but I'm reading it first and it's really good."
Then she stopped whispered and said very loudly and enthusiastically:
"I think that if you read that book you'll have LOTS OF SEX!"
I was stunned, had nothing to say to that until she realized what she'd said and recovered by saying even louder, "SUCCESS!!! SUCCESS!!!" "I meant to say SUCCESS!!"
There was this brief silence while everyone tried to figure out if they could laugh or not - and to our great relief, she laughed.
And then, the whole post office was full of people doubled over laughing.
That, my friends - is the MOST fun I've EVER had at the post office!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/21/2004 04:39:35 PM

Headless but not Heartless

Today I feel like telling the world, "I don't need you! I don't even like you! You're stupid and you smell funny!" Now, apart from the fact that the world does in fact smell funny many times, all of the above are, of course, lies.

There are two ingredients that make for this type of attitude. The first is that I feel normal. What I mean is that I have "liking" feelings - not to be confused with "viking" feelings, for I do not (yet) wish to pillage your village.

(Disclaimer: These are just simple liking feelings, not to be confused with "like-like" liking feelings...ok, just so we're all on the same page.)

Couple these "liking" feelings with distrust, and I, just like any physics equation, become a predictable force of antagonism in the world (see above, "you smell funny", etc...).

There is much antagonism in the world. Do you think other antagonistic people follow the same equation? If so, we're an incredibly untrustworthy herd of folks.

And that makes me sad for the whole lot of us.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/16/2004 03:08:55 PM

The Fear and the Passion...

The blueprint of every heartbeat,
Of the blood rushing through...
This form of reality,

I know it.
I know you.

Etched here,
These lines in my hand...

Flowing through these riverbeds,
Dry and dead...
Your hands.

Your hands, dry and dead.
Do I see it?
Yes, I have seen it.

I know it.
I know you.

And I fear insanity.

One look at you and I know
Sanity is a sham.
A trick, a lie,
This world's death row...

But Lord!
Insanity is unknown!
What will I do?
How will I live?
Where will I go?

These dry riverbeds...
Riverbeds of hope?
Empty, unfulfilled...
waiting...

Waiting for your hands...

Tremors of fear and hope.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/13/2004 11:15:09 AM

Loose Dentures!

Apparently, the White House has released President Bush's dental records which indicate that he was, in fact, in Alabama serving in the National Guard during the time Democrats allege he was AWOL.

When presented with this new evidence, a Democratic representative replied, "It proves his teeth were there, but it doesn't prove the President was there."

...?

nice.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/12/2004 04:06:49 PM

Alert and Attention!

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Your humble servant and author of this tremendous work of art has procured a job at the "conservative fundamentalist" organization!

She wishes to thank all her supporters - particularly those who gave good references as opposed to bad ones.

Until we meet again, I will remain faithfully...

Changing the world-
One woman at a time,

Arrogant Me

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/09/2004 11:34:42 PM

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/05/2004 01:01:59 AM

WARNING LABEL
One thing that drives me bonkers...

I bothers me when you tell someone something about the way you feel, or how you realize that you might just be a little bit crazy and then they go and use it against you to dismiss or explain away important things you said earlier.

Like...
You say: I have a fear of heights.
They say: That makes sense- you've always had control issues.
You say: I didn't say anything about control.
They say: That's why you're a feminist.
You say: What the *#@! are you talkin' about, man?!
They say: See what I mean?

That drives me bonkers.

This is a post about myself. I've had some new insights and thoughts and want to write them down. They do not, in any way, dismiss or devalue things said earlier.

Now on to the meat of it...

They say the two greatest psychological/sociological drives in humans are to attach and to achieve. I realized a while ago that all my life, I had achieved in order to attach. Now, I don’t mean attach as in marriage only, but attach as in relationships – all of them. I only made good grades when people cared that I did. If my parents didn't care - I didn't care. If my teachers didn't care - I didn't either.

I recently read a blog by a very intelligent friend of mine. In it, she had this to say:

"In essence, as stupid and Lifetimey as this sounds, I care more about other people and my relationships with them than I do about my own relationship with myself."

This is in fact, exactly where I was at not so long ago. My relationship with myself suffered in order to grow my relationship with others. When presented with a choice of doing things that helped me versus doing things that helped others, I always chose others.

This may sound like a very Christian thing to do, but I don't know about that. The truth is, I don't think I liked myself very much. I didn’t act like anyway. I don’t think I respected myself very much.

That word - "respect" - was hard for me to define. I had to think about it for awhile. I don't have a formal definition yet, but I know it has something to do with "recognizing value". And there is something pretty important about respecting yourself in God's world. I think only people who respect themselves are able to give of themselves for others. What are you giving if you don't think it's worth much?

I think I didn't know I had value apart from others. Yes, of course, I intellectually knew, but I didn't really know it. Sorta like, if I had been stranded on an island, I would have been worthless in my mind - and probably went on and died - because why live? My life alone on a desert island doesn't matter to anyone! But that, I think, is inherently anti-Christian. I guess what I'm saying is I think we might have intrinsic value plopped right down here inside of us by God herself.

Now, even as I write this, I doubt this is correct theology. Correct theology probably says that God thinks you're valuable and that's what makes you valuable. So God is sitting up there going, “Sam is valuable and Jane is valuable and Ben is valuable and Dorothy is valuable…” and if he ever stopped thinking this, we would all just deflate like a bunch of balloons. This, I suppose, it was some might think happens in hell.

Dallas Willard is fond of saying that God wants us to rule and reign with him. This may sound very arrogant, but let me explain. The idea is taken in part from verses that call God's children "heirs to the throne" in Christ. It's also taken, I think, from the idea that Abraham was called "the friend of God" and Jesus, when he spoke at the Last Supper said to his disciples, "I no longer call you servants, but friends." The point, it seems to me, is this: God wants us to grow up into people that can be her friends.

I suppose it would be fair to say God would prefer us to be grown up enough to sit on throne without making a mess before we sit on his throne.

Look, I know this is scary and maybe close to heresy, but hear me out. I believe that God was quite content with God's self before God created anything. God is a community of love that we call “Father, Son and Holy Spirit”. These three are so united that they are one. Now the “three in one” bit can be confusing, but let’s just assume it for now in order to move on with the issue at hand. And the issue at hand is that I don’t think God was lonely before he created us. Or as some people seem to believe, I don’t think God was like – “man, I wished I had someone to glorify me!” and created us. I think God created us because that’s the nature of love. Love creates. And when he created us, he created us in his image. Which means that though I’m not God, I’m like God. I will never be God. But why should I want to be? I should want to be me. Because "me" is a valuable thing! “Me” is not God but like God – and who knows exactly what that looks like unless I live it out! “Me” is "in the image of God" and an "heir to the throne" and someday even "a friend of God" I hope, and that’s a lot higher aspiration than servants or children.

Servants and children are pretty good descriptions for me now. I’m not smart enough to figure out what needs to be done most of the time, so I just need to be told what to do like a servant. I can’t even do simple things like tie my shoes and so sometimes I need God to do things for me that I haven’t learned yet how to do. But, I’m not sure God is hoping I’ll stay this way.

So somehow I need to grow up into the person who is no longer a servant but a friend; no longer a child but a brother / sister.

“Greater love has no man but this – that he lay down his life for his brothers…”

Not for his servants. Not for his master. But the greatest love…in the sacrifice for brothers and sisters.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/04/2004 09:42:15 PM

I just realized I should clarify my post in which I discussed Janet Jackson's half-time show. Yes, she shouldn't have shown her breast on broadcast TV, but that is not my biggest concern. My biggest concern is that had he not ripped off her clothes, there would have been very little outcry over the halftime show. Listen, I'm not a prude but I do have problems with the images of masculinity and femininity portrayed by the Janet/Justin duet, not to mention the racial aspects and age factors. Here's what I mean.

He spanked her. Hello? Let's just look at what was going on...

A young, white male spanked a middle-aged African-American female. And he "prowled" after her and told her he was going to "get her naked by the end of this song" and then he ripped off her clothes.

And this happened in front of the largest television audience this year.

On one hand, we can all just say, "that was dumb" and forget it. But, if we hadn't have seen Janet's breast, would we have realized that the entire display was a reflection of a culture where (1) the young give the old the "middle-finger" instead of respect (2) racism still exist and is accepted instead denounced (3) men still think women are property to be used for pleasure instead people to be respected and finally (4) women still think women are property to be used for pleasure instead of people to be respected.

Again, I will point out that cultures and societies will tell you what they value and what they believe if you observe. They always have clues. Here in America, Super Bowl Sunday is the second largest "holiday" we have. People consume more food on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year except Thanksgiving (random fact courtesy of friends at church). The best commercials (and most expensive) are seen during the game and the half-time show cost millions and millions of dollars. Our "best" performers (the ones who make the most money) are on stage entertaining us - Brittany Spears, Justin Timberlake, Kidd Rock, U2 and Bono (apologies for placing U2 in the same sentence with Brittany and Justin). After September 11, Bono did the half-time show and it reflected what our society was feeling which, of course, is what makes entertainers the "best" and the most "popular".

Popularity in entertainment comes with people's ability to relate to the entertainer, then we put our money down and a star is born. As a society, we relate to Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. If he had ripped off the black part of her costume and just left the red "bra" showing like they say they intended to do (what the heck was she wearing that star on her nipple for then?!), would there have been the outcry? Probably not. A few people would have fussed. Maybe Dr. Dobson would written something up, but nothing like we see now.

The point is a lot of people are hung up over public display of nakedness - and that's a whole other discussion - but they don't care that as a society we continue to embrace sexism, racism and age-ism (is that a word?!)

And that's a wrap!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/04/2004 02:29:02 PM

So, I've been thinking about the November election again. Here's my prediction based on the few soundbites of the President I've seen recently. He has SO got something up his sleeve. I don't know if it's Osama or WMD or what, but something is going to happen.

Why do I think this? He looks like he's trying too hard to look vulnerable... He's baiting the Dems. Let the nominee start mouthing off and then once he (Kerry) has committed, George will beat him over the head with a baseball bat.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/04/2004 02:18:03 PM

The world has freaked out over a breast...

FCC is going to investigate. Heads are going to roll. Janet's album sales will sky-rocket and 12 year-old girls will imagine for the first time what it would be like for "Justin Timberlake" were to rip off their clothes.

Jesus help us, we're making rape popular.

But as an afterthought, I say we even the score. At next year's Super Bowl, Janet Jackson will rip off Justin's underwear (that he of course, will be performing in) and expose him to the largest TV viewing audience of the year. Actually, this should happen on the women's TV channel...

And there's one for the girls...

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/02/2004 10:55:34 PM